Looking around carefully, the
adventurers noticed an umbrella stand made from a hill giant’s right foot; an
ornate, crystal chandelier with a rusty chain; and two large statues of armored
warriors (the broken head of one of them lying at its feet) wielding halberds.
A ghostly skeleton wearing a
flowing, yet tattered, blue-grey robe woven not of fabric, but of moaning
spirits, rose from the center of the foyer floor. As the adventurers prepared
to fight it, the chandelier’s rusted chain snapped, and the fixture began
levitating around the room. The statues raised their halberds and began
marching forward, while the umbrella stand crawled forward, and the umbrella shot
into the air.
Sir Kevin immediately barreled
toward the skeleton, yelling “This one is mine!” while Hamawk, laughing
maniacally, charged one of the statues. Cloud grinned and darted toward the
other statue as she unsheathed her two shortswords. Boomer pointed at the
chandelier, squawking, “First!” Rusty raised his spiked maul with both hands and
strode determinedly toward the umbrella. Dave the minotaur sighed with
frustration and glared angrily at the disgusting, disembodied foot crawling
toward him.
As Sir Kevin charged toward the skeleton,
his ears were assaulted by a chorus of mournful regrets emanating from its
cloak: “I think I left the oven onnnnn!”, “I forgot to feed my caaaat!”, and
“Tomorrow would have been my birthdaaaaayy.” Startled, he stopped in his
tracks, gritted his teeth, and covered his ears. Swinging its arm in a sweeping
arc, the bony abomination fired a spectral skull from its hand directly at Sir
Kevin’s chest. It collided into him with a loud, whooshing hiss and an
explosion of heatless, ghostly flames, sending him hurtling back and slamming
into the floor, cracking several of the floorboards and one of his ribs.
“I don’t care about your problems,
you foul spirit!” Sir Kevin shouted, wincing from the pain in his chest. He
scrambled to his feet, raising his shield just in time to block a ghostly punch
from the skeleton. Taking the opportunity, he furiously swept his enchanted,
iron longsword through the spirit’s incorporeal form, his blade erupting in
radiant light. The skeleton drifted backward, howling in pain.
Meanwhile, the statue facing Hamawk
used one hand to scoop its broken head off the floor and hurled it at the
small, charging goblin. Hamawk sprang upward, threw his mace into the air, caught
the head with both hands, and slammed it onto the rocky stump from whence it
came. He used enough force to shatter the statue’s head into several fragments
and send cracks running down its torso. Landing, he snatched his falling mace
out of the air with a self-satisfied grin. But that satisfaction was
short-lived, as the statue grabbed Hamawk by the neck with one hand and hoisted
him into the air, preparing to slam its halberd down with its other hand.
Cloud front-flipped over the swinging halberd
of the non-headless statue, twisted around in mid-air, and came down behind it,
planting her shortswords in its shoulders as she fell. As she dangled from its
back, the statue swept its halberd over its right shoulder, attempting to
impale her on the tip. Letting go of the shortsword lodged in the statue’s
right shoulder, Cloud nimbly snatched a dagger out of one of the many pockets
in her coat and stabbed the statue through the wrist, pinning its weapon arm to
its neck. Briefly letting go of her other shortsword, Cloud dropped to the
ground behind the statue, leapt into the air, grabbed hold of both shortswords
and yanked them out of the statue’s shoulders. As she came down, she swung her
shortswords in a scissor-like motion, shearing through its neck and wrist,
sending its head, its hand, and her dagger toppling to the floor. To her
astonishment, the statue turned around, unfazed, and raised its remaining fist
to punch her.
Staring fixedly at the shiny
chandelier, Boomer aimed a finger-gun and unleashed a barrage of glowing darts of
magical force. In response, the chandelier released its own barrage of
shimmering crystals, which collided with the darts in a series of small
explosions and a shower of crystal fragments. While Boomer stared wide-eyed and
beak agape at the glorious sparkles filling the air, the chandelier unleashed a
torrent of fire from its candles. An instant before being incinerated, Boomer
disappeared in a brief cloud of mist and reappeared twenty feet away.
Frantically patting at his smoldering feathers, he pointed his finger at the
chandelier, sending a marble-sized sphere of fire careening toward it. The fire
marble erupted in a huge blast of fire, engulfing the chandelier, as well as
Rusty and the floating umbrella.
A moment prior, Rusty and the
umbrella had been circling one another like seasoned fencers, each waiting for
the other to act. Then Rusty sprang into action, charging at the umbrella and
swinging his maul. But the umbrella was too fast. It darted past his shoulder,
opened its canopy, and jerked Rusty forward, sending him face-first into the
floorboards. Closing its canopy, the umbrella stabbed at him with its ferrule,
but he rolled out of the way and sprang back to his feet. Just as he was about
to retaliate, Rusty heard a loud boom and then everything went orange.
Crawling toward Dave, the umbrella
stand flicked its big, hairy toe, launching a disgusting glob of jam at the
horrified minotaur. Calling upon his god, Dave sent a beam of holy fire down
from the ceiling, incinerating the toe jam before it could reach him. He sighed
in relief just before being kicked in the face and toppling to the ground. He
lay there stunned for a few seconds while being repeatedly kicked in the side.
He angrily grabbed the foot with both hands, stood up, and rammed his foul-smelling
foe down onto his horns, impaling it. He then tossed its lifeless form onto the
ground.
As the skeleton drew its arm back
in preparation for firing another spectral skull at Sir Kevin, a beam of holy
fire arced down from the ceiling toward it, striking it in the back, and
causing the spectral skull to veer off, slam into the ceiling, and explode.
Dave ran up to Sir Kevin, positioned his hand at the site of the broken rib,
and uttered a prayer of healing. The knight sprang back into action, not
acknowledging Dave’s heroic intervention, leaving the minotaur to sigh “You’re
welcome” before turning his attention toward Rusty.
Pointing menacingly at Sir Kevin,
the skeleton summoned a spectral oven, unleashing a torrent of ghostly flames
toward him.
Shouting “NOPE!”, Hamawk slammed
his mace into the arm that was holding him, smashing it to pieces. He dropped
to the ground, landing on his feet. As the stony warrior swung its halberd one-handedly
at him, Hamawk caught it by the shaft with his metal hand. With his other hand,
he slammed his mace into the statue’s other arm, shattering it into rubble. He
released his grip on the halberd, sending it clattering to the floor, then
punched the headless, armless statue in the stomach with his metal hand. Cracks
streaked through its torso and chips of stone flew across the room. The statue
kicked Hamawk in the chest, punting him several feet backward. While hurtling
through the air, Hamawk threw his weapon. Tumbling end over end, the spiky mace
slammed head-first into the small pit Hamawk’s fist had left in the statue’s
chest moments before, exploding the stone warrior’s torso into a shower of
rubble.
Nimbly dodging the other statue’s
punch, Cloud chanted a short incantation, which made her appear as a shifting,
wavering, blur. The statue tried again to punch her, but its aim was off by
about a foot, and it stumbled past. Turning around, Cloud front-flipped, planted
her feet into its back, and sprung off, sending it smashing front-first into
the floorboards. As the stone warrior struggled to pick itself up out of the
splintery crater, Cloud narrowed her eyes in concentration, raised her hand
into the air, and murmured a quick spell. The stone halberd levitated off the
floor. In a sweep of her arm, she sent the halberd darting through the statue’s
chest, pinning it to the floor.
Emerging from the rapidly
dissipating cloud of smoke, the dented, charred chandelier was dripping with
hot wax and closing in on Boomer. Panicking, Boomer exclaimed “Fire in the hole!”
and unleashed a concussive blast of sound, tearing the chandelier apart and sending
globs of steaming wax in all directions.
Meanwhile, as the smoke cleared
around him, a blackened Rusty decided he’d had enough. Pouring a portion of his
remaining lifeforce into his maul, he infused it with radiant energy and
charged heroically at the now-charred umbrella, its canopy burnt away and its
gnarled ribs twisting outward like skeletal fingers. Spinning its deformed ribs
in a circle like a sawblade, the umbrella attempted to decapitate the
mechanical soldier. Expertly ducking the attack, Rusty slammed his maul into
the umbrella in an explosion of radiant energy, obliterating it. As he raised
his maul into the air triumphantly, Rusty was startled by a loud boom, and then
everything went dark as a large blob of hot wax smacked into the side of his
head.
Sir Kevin dropped to one knee and
ducked his head, covering himself with his shield. After a few seconds, the
flames finally abated and Sir Kevin sprang to his feet, charging at his foe.
Raising one hand into the air, the skeleton summoned an emaciated ghostly cat
which proceeded to pounce at the knight. Before the cat could land on Kevin,
two daggers hurtled through the air, embedding in its side, flinging it to the
ground, where it dissipated into nothing, leaving the daggers on the floor. Taking
the opportunity, Sir Kevin swung his enchanted sword through the spirit in an
arc of radiant fire, driving it back. Just as he was about to press his
advantage, a party horn appeared in the ghost’s mouth, extending out and
smacking Sir Kevin in the eye with a shrill “Tooooot!” As he stumbled back in
pain, the ghost swung its fist at him, but he blocked it with his shield.
Landing unceremoniously on the
ground and wincing with pain, Hamawk quickly stood up and surveyed the
battlefield, upon doing which, he saw only the ghost was left and ran to help
Sir Kevin. He chuckled with amusement as he saw Sir Kevin take a party horn to
the face. Just as Sir Kevin was about to stab the skeleton through the chest,
Hamawk leaped over Kevin, uppercutting the spirit in the jaw with his metal
hand as he landed. The ghost hurtled into the ground, dissipating into nothing.
“That was my kill!” shouted Sir
Kevin, throwing his sword and shield to the ground and stalking angrily toward Hamawk.
“Oh, yeah? Because you were doing
so well? . . . Not! You’re gonna need some ice for that eye, by the way,”
scoffed Hamawk.
“Why, you little . . . !” snarled
Sir Kevin, throwing a punch at the goblin’s forehead.
“Nah, mate,” said Hamawk, catching
the knight’s wrist with his metal hand, pivoting, and flipping him to the
ground. The diminutive barbarian then spat on Kevin’s face and stomped up the
stairs, twirling his mace and muttering oaths under his breath.
“Ho! That’s gonna leave a mark,
folks!” exclaimed Boomer before hastily teleporting to the top of the stairs.
Wiping his face with the back of
his hand, Sir Kevin stood up and trudged toward his discarded gear without
making eye contact with the rest of the party.
Dutifully walking toward Rusty’s
charred form, Dave sighed, “If only Jeff were here. That little midget would
know what to do.”
Cloud shifted nervously. “I’m going
with Sir Kevin. I’m not getting my fur scorched by that idiot!” She
gestured toward Boomer, who despite having a beak, seemed to be smirking
unapologetically.
Placing his hand on Rusty’s chest
and frustratedly muttering an incantation, Dave instantly healed most of the
mechanical warrior’s wounds and brought him back to consciousness.
Rusty sat up and fixed his gaze on
Boomer. “Pyromaniacs are tactically disadvantageous to work with, so I’ll be
going that way.” He nodded his wax-encrusted head in Cloud and Sir Kevin’s
direction, stood up, and strode away.
“You’re welcome!” Dave called after
the ungrateful bucket of bolts.
“Pleasantries are inefficient,” stated
Rusty matter-of-factly.
“Someone’s got to keep those
knuckleheads from getting themselves killed,” the healer sighed, trudging up
the stairs toward said knuckleheads.
Having recovered his gear, Sir
Kevin stomped over to a nearby door, growled, and kicked it as hard as he
could. Nothing happened. Just as the knight opened his mouth to speak, the door
flung open on its own, smashing Sir Kevin against the wall with a loud Wham!
“I would have tried the handle
first,” said Rusty dryly.
“But you probably would’ve been
killed by a swinging blade from the ceiling. I would’ve checked for traps
first,” noted Cloud smugly.
“Fair enough,” responded Rusty.
“Unnnngghhh!” added Sir Kevin,
pushing the door aside and stumbling forward before limping through the
doorway. Discreetly placing a hand on his chin, he grunted a short,
unintelligible prayer and healed his broken jaw.
In one corner of the richly
appointed room was a soot-filled, stone fireplace flanked by overstuffed,
crimson chairs. In the middle of the floor, a mahogany gaming table sat atop a
large, brown bearskin rug. Atop the table were several dice, a few decks of
cards, and a chess set with silver pieces. On one wall was a wooden plaque with
a deer head mounted on it. Purposefully striding over to the table, Cloud
picked up a pawn from the chessboard and examined it closely, muttering to
herself. Scraping one claw along the side of it, she peeled off a line of
silver paint, revealing the lead underneath. “I thought so,” said Cloud,
turning toward her companions.
“What is it?” asked Sir Kevin.
“These pieces aren’t really silver.
They’re just silver-painted lead, so they aren’t really worth that much. But
you could sell them for quite a lot to some poor, undiscerning chap.”
“We’re not here to get rich,”
admonished Sir Kevin. “We’re here to kill some ghosts!”
“That would not be advised, my good
chap!” said an unfamiliar voice, as the fireplace roared to life. Levitating
out of the fireplace came the spirit of a richly dressed huntsman with a well-trimmed
mustache, a pith helmet, and a small crossbow in one hand. Two arrows were
sticking out of his chest.
”Hey, I think a sword would go
great with those arrows in your chest!” mocked Sir Kevin as he charged at the
ghost.
“How unsportsmanlike,” said the
ghost haughtily, firing a bolt from his crossbow. Kevin easily blocked it with
his shield and the ghostly projectile dissipated into nothing. Leaping through
the air, the knight swung his sword in a downward arc through the huntsman’s
ghostly crossbow, causing it to fizzle out of existence. Stumbling back in
surprise, the ghostly huntsman raised his hand into the air, causing a deck of
playing cards to begin levitating above the gaming table.
Wrenching itself from the plaque,
the mounted deer head levitated into the air, setting its glassy-eyed sights on
Rusty. Then, with a roar, the bear rug’s mouth opened wide, and a ghostly bear
clumsily squeezed out of it right next to Cloud and raised its paw to strike. Gracefully
front flipping over the bear, Cloud landed on the gaming table and swept up the
chess board in one hand, sending the pieces flying every which way. As the deer
head flew past her, she swung the board at the antlered menace, striking it
behind the ears and sending it hurtling into a wall where it was stuck fast by
its antlers. Standing on its hind legs, the bear began climbing onto the table,
but stopped short as Rusty crushed its ghostly neck with his glowing maul. As
Cloud watched the ghost bear fade from existence, she could’ve sworn she saw
out of the corner of her eye, the deer head being enveloped into the wall. When
she turned to get a good look, she saw that the deer head was gone, as was the
damage to the wall. Curious.
The levitating deck of cards
separated and enveloped Sir Kevin in a whirlwind. One at a time, individual
playing cards flew out of the torrent and shot toward him, bouncing uselessly
off of his armor as he smirked in amusement. But he did not notice his spectral
foe yanking one of the arrows from his own chest and striding toward him. As
the last of the cards fell onto the pile at his feet, Sir Kevin sneered “Did
you really think a bunch of playing cards could hurt m-“, but he was cut off by
a ghostly arrow being jammed through his armor and into his stomach.
“To answer your question: No. No, I
did not,” retorted the huntsman.
Chuckling morbidly, the knight
impaled the ghost with his enchanted sword. Staring disapprovingly at the sword
jutting from his chest, the huntsman faded into nothing. “Good riddance,”
muttered Sir Kevin as he placed his hand on his stomach and prepared a healing
prayer.
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